Breaking News: Owen Wilson is dating a girl no one knows.

The Nerve.

Further To Above Breaking News is More Breaking News: The girl no one knows is pregnant.

Further to the Further Above More Breaking Breaking News: The baby is out! He has been called Robert Ford Wilson.

How Normal.

Sneer.

Please welcome Owen Wilson to Interskew.

Interskew: Oh Dear God! Back up a little!
Owen Wilson: I’m Sowwry. Is this better?

Interskew: Much. We like you Owen, rather the way you like a puppy or a little kid who’s nose happens to not be snotty at the moment.
Owen Wilson:

Interskew: The problem is, Owen, that you’ve up and given your baby a perfectly normal name. We believe you may not have considered the obvious:

Owen Wilson: Well, now waaaait a minute….

Interskew: No, seriously. Scary and Bad. So we’ve compiled a list of alternates for you to consider with the still mysterious girlfriend, Jade Whatever.

Interskew: For example: Football!

Owen WIlson:

Interskew: Okay, you’re not loving Football. What about Studabaker! It’s got Stud, it’s got Baker, and it’s Retro. Retro is the new Now.

Owen WIlson:

Interskew: Alright. It’s okay, we’ve left our fave for last anyway. What would you say to Rhinoceros Banana Cream Pie Maple Tree Wilson?

Owen Wilson: What, no picture for that one?

Interskew: No, doesn’t come up on Google but it will, just as soon as you come to your senses and choose a proper Hollywood Actor-Type name.

Owen Wilson: I think we’ll probably stick with Robert Ford.

Interskew: (groans audibly) Are you sure? Remember-

Owen Wilson: We’re sure.